Ma Partie Privée

I am killing you to be free

2009-08-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

The truth deserves to be known - or at least told. And I want to scream out my mute emotion. Yawp it at the top of the world so everybody could hear. Vent it, howl it, wail it, screech it out.

You. you. you. I love you. yes, you.

But not even a whisper of it shall be known.

Still the gag suffocates me so and now I desire freedom. I need to be some place else. I need to escape my routine. I need to flee. be a coward and go. be the villain and walk out of game.

I yearn for the day when love as I know it will disappear. Stop the present perfect progressive and turn it into a past tense.

I thirst for a place where you don't exist, no single thread for the mischievous Greek god of love to bind my heart to you. Cut all ties, sever them, burn them whole.

Yes, yes, I love you, and that's the sole reason I hate you. Thus, go you will from my life for I will start a new.

I am killing you, so let this love accompany you on your death bed. After this, you will be buried in my backyard, be left forgotten, and then I don't have to mute my emotion or repress my scream.

Yes, you are much prettier dead and forgotten.

Eppure Sentire (un senso di te)

2009-06-06T23:44:00.001-07:00

Eppure Sentire (un senso di te) by Elisa

A un passo dal possibile

A un passo da te
Paura di decidere
Paura di me

Di tutto quello che non so
Di tutto quello che non ho

Eppure sentire
Nei fiori tra l'asfalto
Nei cieli di cobalto - c'è

Eppure sentire
Nei sogni in fondo a un pianto
Nei giorni di silenzio - c'è

un senso di te

C'è un senso do te

Eppure sentire
Nei fiori tra l'asfalto
Nei cieli di cobalto - c'è

Eppure sentire
Nei sogni in fondo a un pianto
Nei giorni di silenzio - c'è

Un senso di te

C'è un senso di te

Un senso di te

C'è un senso di te
mmm ... mmm ... mmm ... mmm ...

At one step away from possible

One step from you
Fear of deciding
Fear me

Of all that I do not know
Of all that I haven't

Yet to hear
Flowers between the asphalt
In the heaven of cobalt- there is

Yet to hear
In the dreams at the bottom of a weeping
In the days of silence - there is

a sense of yourself

mmm ... mmm ... mmm ... mmm ...
There is a sense of yourself
mmm ... mmm ... mmm ... mmm ...

Yet to hear
Flowers between the asphalt
In the heaven of cobalt - there is

Yet to hear
In the dreams at the bottom of a weeping
In the days of silence - there is

A sense of yourself

mmm ... mmm ... mmm ... mmm ...
There is a sense of yourself

A sense of yourself
mmm ... mmm ... mmm ... mmm ...
There is a sense of yourself

p.s : a nice company during the saddest moment of my life...

deadly demo

2009-04-15T05:31:00.000-07:00

I.am.totally.completely.utterly.thoroughly.perfectly.absolutely.screwed.up

for good..........

argh! *screaming madly*

and it's all because of my dangerously disastrous micro teaching or demo teaching or whatever you (you? who? nobody here... -sigh-) want to name that irksome thing...,

grammar was not, is not, and will probably never become my best subject. yes, I am making an excuse. I should have learned. I could have studied harder. And I ironically used modals in my last two sentences. modals which I taught in a class full of ferocious sadistic students (their fangs were dangerously glistening I swear!). modals in which I failed miserably to teach.

two fatal reasons. one, I couldn't answer one question from a student. two, somehow I forgot anything about subject-verb agreement and said nothing when one student answer 'A person don't have to get married to lead a happy life.' i just realized my damn fatal mistake when the observing permanent lecturer said, 'A person doesn't. it's singular.'

and I solidly froze at that spot.

dead.dead.dead.

need shopping so badly now T_T

err, really?

2009-04-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

*cough cough*

does this mean I'll be using this blog to share? -sigh-

start blogging, really?

2008-11-23T21:17:00.000-08:00

So, this is a blog. What function does it have, I do not know.

to share - that sounds so what? out-of-date?
to promote yourself (narcissity is a necessity?) - that sounds so lame.
to write - do you even need a blog to do that?
to follow the trend - so you drew an assumption that if everyone starts blogging then I shall blog too. err, this one sounds sort of - pathetic.

So what good does a blog for you, more like for me actually? I wish I knew.

But I made this blog anyway. Not to promote myself definitely, because, hey i'm not that lame!!!

To follow the trend then? oh my God, that's awful! No I don't follow the blogging-trend!

so that leaves only one option which is to share.., though it does sound so out of date, but I guess human being couldnt survive without it, or at least a large percentage of human beings that are still human enough wouldnt be able to survive,, and I would love to consider myslef a quite humanic human being., but really, I still don't know why I made this blog anyway..,

God, this is so difficult!

So here I am, blogging without knowing what to do with it. what function does it have. what good it will give me. In the end, the stupidest of all is me for doing thing without knowing anything.

hell. that even sucks a whole lotta more!